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This is my place to figure things out. It's that simple.

Location: United States

I'm 25 year old Wisconsin girl living in the city of neon and chrome who's slowly gaining her identity while losing all sense of reality.

16 October 2006

How To Do Everything Right (Yes!)

So I've started this post around 7 times now and I keep going back and deleating everything I've written. That in itself is part of why I'm here. I am incredibly indecicive and worry about not getting things "right" in just about every aspect of my life... Hence, Nothing in my life is currently "right". Which is perhaps why I have a certain scrap of paper (cut out from junk mail) smack-dab (well, mostly smack-dab) in the middle of my personal cork board above my computer. I will probably keep this scrap of paper my entire life.

and next to those words is a silver sticker that says: Yes!

It might seem like an odd thing to keep, but it means a lot to me. I'll explain a bit...
I found this piece of paper posted above my grandfather's desk when we were cleaning out his house after he passed away. It was only a day or so after my 18th birthday and three weeks later I would be leaving home for my first year of college. My father and I mused about how my grandfather (his Dad) must have laughed when he had found the clipping, and then adding his own comment by placing the Yes! Sticker in the corner. By adding his own little sticker my grandfather (who was a man of incredible faith, Love, and fortitude) seems to have been laughing at the thought of being able to purchase something through the mail that would actually explain how to do everything right... as if it could be that easy. This cutting, it seems, was a small reminder to my grandfather that there is, in fact, no possible way to get everything "right" and it would be silly and pointless to think you could.

Somehow this piece of paper made it unscathed through four years, two dorm rooms, and a shitty, over-populated town house apartment, and is now on my wall. That one small piece of paper evokes more emotions in me than you'd think possible. It reminds me that in many ways I am like my grandfather, who I greatly admire. It reminds me of the type of person I hope to become. It calms me down when I get worked up over not being able to be "perfect" (which happens far too often). Most of all, though, it makes me smile. I don't know if other people would be as amused by this piece of paper as much as I am, but for me it's like a private joke between my grandfather and myself. It's one last bit of encouragement and advice from my grandfather in the form of an inside joke.

So I guess this blog is me taking that advice and working out how to do things in my life not the "right" way, but instead, trusting in God and finding the way that works for me.

I suppose that last part could be misinterpreted, but like I said before, nothing in my life is currently "right". I'm trying to learn how to keep faith, how to love, and how to really live.

Call it cliche, I don't care. That's what I want.

I'm trying to find (and become) the best version of myself.

and I guess I thought this might help.


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