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This is my place to figure things out. It's that simple.

Location: United States

I'm 25 year old Wisconsin girl living in the city of neon and chrome who's slowly gaining her identity while losing all sense of reality.

23 September 2009


I'm assuming it's part of the human condition to want to run away sometimes.

But what if you do run away... and the feeling doesn't go away?

When I graduated from high school I wanted to go to a college where nobody knew me and that was far enough away that it was a mild inconvenience to visit me/for me to visit home. I chose a college that was three hours away from home (I had to stay in state).

I didn't think of this as running away so much as I felt like it was escaping. And I loved it.

At times it was a little too far away, and it would frustrate me that my best friends couldn't relate to the places I would talk about, but I my world was expanded and I liked that.

After college I didn't know what I wanted and the thought of myself making excuses to go see my ex's shows if I was living in the area prompted me to move a thousand miles away. It was something I'd thought about but I don't think I ever planned.

It was an adventure. My best friend and a couple good friends from college would be living in the same city, so I wasn't afraid. It's been just under a year, my best friend and one of the good friends have both moved back.

World: expanded.

However, "expanding my world" comes at a price. A piece of myself gets left everywhere I've called home, which in essence means that I am always homesick for somewhere. At least that's the way I felt about it a month ago.

The past week or so I've been rolling an idea around. I want to escape. Again.

Things aren't falling into place here. I love the city I live in, but I've changed apartments and jobs so much that I can't get comfortable. Even though I feel more at home here in the city than I do back "home", still, all I want to do is escape. I want to go to Ireland. I visited there for a few weeks in college and I fell in love with it. It felt like home.

Mostly, I want to find where I belong. Or if I don't belong anywhere, I want to always be a stranger.

Realistically though, how do you afford to do that?


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