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This is my place to figure things out. It's that simple.

Location: United States

I'm 25 year old Wisconsin girl living in the city of neon and chrome who's slowly gaining her identity while losing all sense of reality.

23 September 2009


I'm assuming it's part of the human condition to want to run away sometimes.

But what if you do run away... and the feeling doesn't go away?

When I graduated from high school I wanted to go to a college where nobody knew me and that was far enough away that it was a mild inconvenience to visit me/for me to visit home. I chose a college that was three hours away from home (I had to stay in state).

I didn't think of this as running away so much as I felt like it was escaping. And I loved it.

At times it was a little too far away, and it would frustrate me that my best friends couldn't relate to the places I would talk about, but I my world was expanded and I liked that.

After college I didn't know what I wanted and the thought of myself making excuses to go see my ex's shows if I was living in the area prompted me to move a thousand miles away. It was something I'd thought about but I don't think I ever planned.

It was an adventure. My best friend and a couple good friends from college would be living in the same city, so I wasn't afraid. It's been just under a year, my best friend and one of the good friends have both moved back.

World: expanded.

However, "expanding my world" comes at a price. A piece of myself gets left everywhere I've called home, which in essence means that I am always homesick for somewhere. At least that's the way I felt about it a month ago.

The past week or so I've been rolling an idea around. I want to escape. Again.

Things aren't falling into place here. I love the city I live in, but I've changed apartments and jobs so much that I can't get comfortable. Even though I feel more at home here in the city than I do back "home", still, all I want to do is escape. I want to go to Ireland. I visited there for a few weeks in college and I fell in love with it. It felt like home.

Mostly, I want to find where I belong. Or if I don't belong anywhere, I want to always be a stranger.

Realistically though, how do you afford to do that?

19 September 2009

Screw you for judging me.

From the small amount of human contact I've had this week, it's been brought to my attention that I come off as judgmental and close-minded.

Oh, and people here in "the big city" think I'm a simple-minded, very conservative small town girly.

Kill me.

The judgmental and close-minded thing - I can at least understand where that view is coming from. I am painfully blunt and very opinionated and, while I try to only act that way around people who know me well (and that I know can take criticism), I sometimes forget that little thing called tact.
The way I look at it, being ridiculously blunt is how I show affection. I am telling you the truth. Because no one else will. And I care.
As far as the opinionated thing goes, I expect people to be just as opinionated. And if you have an opinion you should share and discuss. If you don't agree with me tell me. Then back up why you disagree. Just because I have strong opinions, doesn't mean they don't change frequently.

Oh yeah, and all that is a way of expressing what I feel without being vulnerable.

Now the conservative small-minded thing really drives me nuts. Simple-minded thing bugs me because, I fall under the category of people who believe you are never done learning. That, and honestly, I know I'll never be as smart as I want to be, but I did test somewhere in the 92nd to 98th percentile. In everything. I just don't like showing-off.

As to the conservative thing... Pet Peeve... and this is where I quote the dictionary:

conservative |kənˈsərvətiv; -vəˌtiv|adjectiveholding to traditional attitudes and values and cautious about change orinnovation, typically in relation to politics or religion.nouna person who is averse to change and holds to traditional values and attitudes, typically in relation to politics.
liberal |ˈlib(ə)rəl|adjective1 open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values favorable to or respectful of individual rights and freedoms (in a political context) favoring maximum individual liberty in political and social reform Theology regarding many traditional beliefs as dispensable, invalidated by modern thought, or liable to change.2 [ attrib. ] (of education) concerned mainly with broadening a person's general knowledge and experience, rather than with technical or professional training.
nouna person of liberal views.
Now here's me: I am a humanist; a sometimes-vegan but always vegetarian; I was raised Lutheran but wear catholic medals for fun; I believe in reincarnation and that animals have souls (which the Christian church does not believe); I believe God works through science, nature, and the planets, and that palm reading, tarot cards and horoscopes have truth to them; I believe evolution is God's work; I think God is both male and female and neither and both; I believe Jesus had brown eyes and was definitely not "white" and may very well have been married to Mary Magdalene (who I think was actually the head disciple); I am pro-choice because we live in a broken world and I think we should use the stem cells of aborted babies for research because then they didn't die for nothing; I think pot should probably be legalized (even though I don't smoke it); I am pro-gay rights, and don't think strait people should be able to marry if LBGT people can't; I believe in aliens, ghosts, fairies, and other supernatural creatures; I believe in the use of birth control and sex-ed class but not in promiscuity (but if that's your thing, get tested and be honest with your partners); I enjoy cursing like a sailor in the comfort of my own home; I've participated at an anti-war rally, I believe capitalism is evil...
Really, do I have to go on? I'll let you decide for yourself. Would you say that I'm conservative???
I will admit, I do have my conservative bits. I don't burn bras or smoke black cigarettes because they are "black like my soul" or anything like that... but really???
Basically it boils down to that age-old adage: Don't judge this book by it's midwestern cover.Well, you get the point.
And to those who lit the fire under my proverbial pants,Screw you for judging me.A-holes.